有多少人了解抑郁症

抑郁症早期症状有哪些？

抑郁症以心境低落为主要特征，在此期间至少有下述症状中的四项，且持续两周以上，建议就要就医治疗。 1.抑郁心境程度不同，可从轻度心境不佳到忧伤、悲观、绝望。病人感到心情沉重，生活没意思，高兴不起来，郁郁寡欢，度日如年，痛苦难熬，不能自拨。有些病人也可出现焦虑、易激动、紧张不安。 2.丧失兴趣是抑郁病人常见症状之一。丧失既往生活、工作的热忱和乐趣，对任何事都兴趣索然。体验不出天伦之乐，对既往爱好不屑一顾，常闭门独居，疏远亲友，回避社交。病人常主诉“没有感情了”、“情感麻木了”、“高兴不起来了”。 3.精力丧失，疲乏无力，洗漱、着衣等生活小事困难费劲，力不从心。病人常用“精神崩溃”、“泄气的皮球”来描述自己的状况。 4.自我评价过低：病人往往过分贬低自己的能力，以批判、消极和否定的态度看待自己的现在、过去和将来，这也不行，那也不对，把自己说得一无是处，前途一片黑暗。强烈的自责、内疚、无用感、无价值感、无助感，严重时可出现自罪、疑病观念。 5.病人呈显著、持续、普遍抑郁状态，注意力困难、记忆力减退、脑子迟钝、思路闭塞、行动迟缓，但有些病人则表现为不安、焦虑、紧张和激越。 6.消极悲观：内心十分痛苦、悲观、绝望，感到生活是负担，不值得留恋，以死求解脱，可产生强烈的自杀念头和行为。 7.躯体或生物学症状：抑郁病人常有食欲减退、体重减轻、睡眠障碍、性功能低下和心境昼夜波动等生物学症状，很常见，但并非每例都出现： 食欲减退、体重减轻：多数病人都有食欲不振，胃纳差症状，美味佳肴不再具有诱惑力，病人不思茶饭或食之无味，常伴有体重减轻。 性功能减退：疾病早期即可出现性欲减低，男性可能出现阳痿，女病人有性感缺失。 睡眠障碍：典型的睡眠障碍是早醒，比平时早2～3小时，醒后不复入睡，陷入悲哀气氛中。 昼夜变化：病人心境有昼重夜轻的变化。清晨或上午陷入心境低潮，下午或傍晚渐见好转，能进行简短交谈和进餐。昼夜变化发生率约50％。

新的一年，我什么都不知道！

又是另一个quater的update。你说我忙吗？我看起来很忙，但又很空闲。可能是很害怕写blog了吧...

之前都喜欢把东西post在facebook，但朋友越来越多了，很多时候顾虑到不必要的误会，就开始慢慢写blog。起初，只是想纯粹分享吃、喝、玩、乐，之后慢慢什么都写了。

我想：今年应该不是什么好年吧！我非常的低落...

我在妈妈心目中的好孩子，其实我不配。

我在人家眼中的好男朋友，其实我不会。

我在老板想象的忙碌员工，其实我不是。

我在同事眼里的好好先生，唔...我想他们应该不认识我。

我想：我真的还是个大男孩...

我就像Naruto那样，要别人认可我。

别问我为什么发脾气，我真的不知道。

前面的车子开慢一些，Library的Staff 放他们喜欢的歌， Sam Media 同事的多多问题、多多request等等事情都可以令我很火滚。

我不晓得有没有关系，但圣诞节的那封信真的让我很怨恨、很难过、很生气！每读一遍，每次想起都会流眼泪。

我生气因为它让我觉得女人始终很在意外表，我真的觉得我受侮辱了

我怨恨因为它让我觉得生活在一起很久的人一下子变成陌生人而且还是要在圣诞节给我

我难过因为它让我了解原来我真的会令人不敢和我说话，我是一个不自私的男朋友

我真的感觉很无助...我真的不懂我可以怎样改变

我很自责因为我觉得我都没时间给她了

我只想什么都不要做，什么都不想...打机，上facebook...做一些尽量可以令我快乐的事

要过新年了...我真的没什么心情，我还是什么都不知道！

感想...

明天是我在NZMY的最后一天。我觉得很对不起他们，因为我自己的私人原因而就这样的进来两个月又离开。同时也很感谢他们的包容。我甚至隔离自己，就像一个陌生人或毫无相干的人在office 里，活在自己的世界。当然，如果有的选择的话，我也不想回去SAM Media。可见我对Library这一份工是多么的重视，它带来的影响和扰乱了我的正常生活。

每一晚，我在Library工作都想了很多东西。我想，这就是典型的金牛座吧！

- 我很怕我的付出到最后竟然是什么都没有

- 我忽然间很想家

- 我不懂我到底为了什么而做

- 我会不会有一天死于抽烟过量而肺癌？

- 结婚后，我的生活还会一样吗？

- 等等...

I'm Back Again!!!

Finally i'm back again in The Library but this time in Mid Valley.

For me, this is seems a simple job but yet uneasy to manage. I think i'm finally understand what's the concept that boss wanted to be in the Library. Unlike other club, Library is the place for you to chill out and chatting. Music that i played is just the background so that people in the Library don't have to shout/yell to talk with each other like other clubbing place. However, they had prepare an artist list for me to follow where some certain artist are prohibited. For example : boys band like backstreet boys, Westlife or Idols like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera or even Justin Bieber. The pumping songs like Black Eyed Peas and Lady Gaga also not allowed to play but soft Hip-Hop & RnB are fine. However, songs that too slow or "karaoke" type like Celine Dion, Enya or Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You are also not allowed. Moreover, songs that always played in other places like Hotel California, It's My Life, Zombie and etc are also avoid to play. This is extremely freak me out with their "blacklist". It's more limitation than The Library @ The Curve.

Somehow, there are some certain artist/song that boss hate are also not acceptable. For example Mariah Carey, Shakira, Rob Thomas ft. Santana - Smooth, Songs from Michael Jackson after 1984 are all not allowed to play. OMFG...this is really insane but yet i have to follow this rules. I never hate with this "blacklist" but i just don't understand why they have to set such limitation in order to create this culture in The Library @ Mid Valley. They're prefer 90's stuffs and i understand but later on, after filtering some of the artist, i really don't have too much songs to play and slowly we're also added some current pop/rock as well.

Why i said simple job? The songs that i play, i don't mix it but just chop and play. For them, it is a easy job and this can even do with PC with setting the playlist. At first i also think of that : Why boss need me to play these songs while the PC itself can do that. Later on, i also understand the flexibility of human is far different with the set programmed in PC. Why and How? For example : I can play to pumping retro songs if the crowd has more elder working adults or sometimes i can play more latest pop/rock if the crowd has more teenager in which i think PC cannot play the right music at the right time. Therefore, i'm trying hard to make a better music flow. Which mean, even though my music are not in the mix but i creating the mood or feel that can keep them sitting on the chairs. I think the main challenge in DJing in The Library compare with other club is :-

• In club, the music has to make them stand up and dance
• In Library, the music is keeping them remain on their seat and yet staying longer

I feel grateful that boss also kinda tolerance to me (at least he did not force me to make announcement) We all know my announcing/public speaking skill is sucks and yet i know boss prefer the DJ to announce the promotion that we have. I'm suppose need to have someone who can make the announcement but then where i can get an Emcee just to make announcement there and yet i have to pay them myself?

I'm always worrying my music is boring. I'm trying to play different style on every single days and the experience was gain from this way. Sometimes, it does getting good result but sometimes not. Sometimes, it also made me feeling bad if i can't play the song that customer wanted. I promised a customer that i will play Justin Bieber - Baby for her (that time boss said soft RnB is fine). One of the boss, Ashwin shouting at me "Change this song!!!" right after i played and then Justin Bieber's song was started in the blacklist since that day. I can hear from the bar, that lady said to the bar tender "The DJ is bad, bad DJ! Promised me to play the song but never play..." I was feeling so bad when i heard this, i'm so wish to explain to her but then i did not do that. I think it is not rational to explain to the rest what am i doing and why i not do that and etc. I just can apologized to them from my heart. Since after that night, i never seen that lady come again...

I met DJ Vick few days ago who will going to replace me during my off day. Nick a.k.a. DJ Roundhead was strongly recommend him because of his music knowledge. I do hope he is a right person to replace me and yet he is friendly (this also remind me how i'm started working in The Library when Ben asking me to spin for him). Vick told me, i must have my own style. Own style...this thing was always in my mind for long time. For which DJ doesn't wish to have their own style? Sometimes i wondering, is the crowd should listen whatever the DJ playing OR the DJ playing whatever the crowd wanted OR DJ playing what the boss wanted? What are the style i can do in the Library? I'm doubt...Nicky also told me once that every DJ should have their own anthem but what is mine?

Last night, i was really damn moody after listened Oshin's advice. Suppose my feeling getting better when i reached The Library but then the customers piss me off with what i hate the most. Got a customer request a song, One Republic - The Secret and i told him i played before. He keep on request it and asking the bar tender to talk with me. WTF!!! I hate this kind of selfish person where i already told them i'm not going to repeat the songs and yet they do not know how to respect my decision. Some even worst was the waiter there pretend customer to request song. Yes, i understand everyone down there like to listen the songs they like but not in this way.

Oh ya...i've resigned my job in NZMY. I really do a lot of changes because of this job. Like what Nicky said "save your complaints for your girlfriend if you cant handle the heat and stress of the DJ Console" I'm tiring with 2 jobs day and night but i enjoying it!

Outlook of The Library

The Bar

Live Band - Russell Curtis

It has been another while

Haiks...i really not a good blogger, lazy blogger...
A lot of things to share but always lazy or busy to start...
later in the early morning is the world cup final which Netherlands VS. Spain. So i guess Angeline and i will watch this final match at Ming Tin, Taman Megah.

Koninklijke Nederlandse Voetbalbond — KNVB

Real Federación Española de Fútbol

Both teams never win world cup before and both also my favorite teams. However, i'm personally support Spain more than Netherlands. Why? May be FC Barcelona is my favorite team. It's also too bad that couldn't see Messi perform well during this world cup.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

14 June 2010 - My first day working in Netzed Web Agency where the office just opposite from my previous office. To be frank, i'm not really like the office environment but the profile of this company is quite interested me. The HQ of this company is based in France but the IT team is work at here (well, cheap technical labor in SEA yet with quality). They did a lot web site for Tag Heuer, Shell and some racing or GP web site. This is something i never done before and I believe this knowledge will gain more business value in future rather than doing SMS application where always need to stand by, trouble shooting yet always need to argue with those graphic team maniacs which i cannot stand with.

Besides than environment, i also feel i have a gap with my colleagues. For me, they are too quiet and i never work in such office where is so quiet and stress. I really don't know how long i can survive in this company. The headhunter told me how best of the benefit of this company but then in the office, they don't even have nescafe, instant cup noodles, limited petty cash every month..I really doubt it! I guess this is also the first office i work where don't have these...but one good thing in this office is : the broadband damn fast!!! The download speed can up to 200kbps.

The feeling really weird that when you go to work at new place like going back to your previous office. Perhaps Jalan Ampang really small, i almost met my ex-colleagues everyday when i go for lunch like Ampang Park, Wisma Central or temple (these few hot places). Last Friday, got some work to do until 1.30pm only took my lunch. I was thinking, just go nearby cafe 8 (because i haven't been there since i work in Phileo Megan Avenue I yet that's a good place where i can smoke although i went alone) and time like that shouldn't be meet any ex-colleague. Manatau, after i placed my order and started to smoke, i saw Alice and the rest queuing at the cashier counter! **fainted**

Of course i'm not hate to see them just that this will remind me the good old time memory and made me miss them even more. Is it i choose the wrong place to start my new career? Hmm....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

15 June 2010 - Nicky a.k.a. DJ Roundhead just informed me on 12 June that I'm going to be the resident DJ for Library 2 where going to open soon in Mid Valley. I guess nobody can understand how excited i am in my deepest heart. Back to mid December 2009, i leave Library with hate: hate of Ben owed my wages and hate those who wanna interrupt the music i played in Library. C'mon, we're professional(I dare to say!!) and we know what music should play at the right time. You limit us not to play those boy's band, clubing, house music but at the same time the manager came to request song because of VIP customer request it even the song already played several times!!! Cannot play club's song yet want to drive the crowd, cannot play too much of RnB while customer keep on request. It's pretty fuck up...and i was so hope i can back on the deck someday.

However, everything still not confirmed yet. It's still too early to happy because it might change to others as long as i not yet signed the contract, isn't it? While right after that day, i was so busy to search the songs that based on the list given by boss. Out of sudden, Nicky asked me to join the photo session for "The Pokemaxxx La Familia". Pokermaxxx is our DJ team where Nicky wanna promote this on magazine. I was so happy I've called up for the photo session which mean I'm also part of the family! With no choice, i took half day unpaid leave for this just on my second working day at new company...

Recently just got the 2 photo from the photographer. I don't know why it took so long but anyway, just share this at here:

The Funny Side of Pokermaxxx

The Serious Side of Pokermaxxx

The Members of Pokermaxxx (From Left to Right)

- DJ Merduc

- DJ Darren

- DJ Awie

- DJ Jokerz

- DJ Round Head

- DJ Ezu

- DJ Eric Takashi

- TJ da DJ

- DJ Jeff Coding (me)

- DJ Hyper

- DJ Jamie

-----------------------------------------xxx xxx xxx------------------------------------------

我的生日

5月13日 晴 01：25

我的生日日期是一个富有争议性的日子，五一三事件。我想，时下许多年轻人应该都不知道这件事了吧...不说你不知，我的出生日期的确是“黑色星期五”

和往年一样，没什么庆祝。总觉得今年的生日很沉重。最近发生很多事情，当中应该是我要辞职的事吧！在这间公司呆了2年半...是我至今最长的一份工。我很喜欢这里的环境，可是当人多了，是非也跟着来。可能是我小气或钻牛角尖，总觉得自己的付出永远不被认同。

星期一那天，Office Manager - Mary 就过来跟我说：“今天我们准备为你庆祝生日，由于今天secret recipe的蛋糕不多，所以我订了一个chocolate almond brownies给你然后另外买两盒ice cream来配着吃。”我其实感觉很无奈，

1。 你用不着跟我报告这一切，难道你会因为我说不喜欢而做别的安排吗？

2。 其实我很想带我的相机在Sam Media的最后一个生日会中和他们拍照。可是，这都太突然了。

十月就去台湾了。很期待，但也很忧虑。这是第一次带着自己的父母和angie的家人一起去。这也算完成了我的心愿之一。一路来总觉得，出来做工那么久了，从来都还没带父母出国旅行，反而只有自己享受。去过了巴厘岛，香港和曼谷，所以想带着她们和我一起去台湾。偏偏自己的财务管理又不好，还了债，自己又大花。总是看不到自己的储蓄。打工仔一生的无奈...

另外，我的好友 - 纪贞 就要回加拿大了。我知道这个是他蛮痛苦的决定，可是为了他自己的前途，我也赞成/鼓励他去外国发展。不是说大马不好，只是这里的发展空间实在太有限了。

回顾我过去一年所发生的事，感觉有点唏嘘。人事已非...曾经的好友，现在反目成仇。但也认识了不少朋友。感情方面都还算稳定吧。事业也还好，只是财务方面就不太行。

以前生日的时候，手机的短讯总是响个不停。现在，全部都只用Facebook来祝贺，手机目前为止只响了两次。哈哈哈！其实，都还蛮感动的，至少还有人记得我。

今年生日的愿望...呃....结婚？好像还很长远...发达？如果可以的话最好！减肥？是时候要开始了...

最后，送上这个MV : 溫嵐 - 祝我生日快樂

"I don't think you get what i mean" + "你到底明不明白?" 挑起的神经线...

2010年5月8日 2:30am 晴

刚才在车上聊到angie工作上的事，基于大家有不同的看法，大家争执得脸红耳赤时，突然被问道：“你到底明不明白？”。随之，我就喝道：“我懂！我懂！”。接着就鸦雀无声，一片寂静。开始感觉到她“不爽”了，道歉也太迟了。我的牛脾气，大家都知道的。懊恼着自己的冲动，也再想为什么我会对 - “你到底明不明白?”这么排斥？是因为日前在工作上也同样被人提问“I don't think you get what i mean” 有关吗？

那天在公司，为了迁就某些人的方便，IT(我)又被摆上台要做一些“高难度”修改。对我来说，要改，不是问题可是值得吗？难道迁就他们就是方便，然而麻烦我们就是应该的吗？这是其一。

最恨的是：当我在解释解决方案时，又被人说：“I don't think you get what i mean”然后又在解释一遍。结果到最后，他们也接受了。我感到很纳闷，沮丧，失望，到底是不是真的是我的问题？是我表达能力差吗？我那天差一点就想大声对他说:“is YOU don't get what i mean,fucker!”

我有自己的情绪，我生气因为：

1. 当我在尽心尽力要帮你（公司/女友）解决问题时，请不要怀疑我

2. 我不是一个逞强的人，不明白的话，我不会随便发言。当然，我未必是100%对，但请你不要再我说完之前否定我。

我是有脾气，但是没有人从来想过为什么我会要发脾气？我是无理取闹吗？我大可以什么都不用管，只听你说，没意见，我干嘛要那么在乎？

在公事上，只要你搞砸我的东西，我势必跟你势不两立

在私事上，当你发觉我对你不闻不问时，那就是我已经放弃你了

想了很多...也不知是对还是错...是我要求太高还是我没有要求？...

2010年的第一次流泪，就在今天...